It has been three months since I have left Haiti and I have tried to write this blog several times. However, each time I sat down to write it I struggled with what to say. Do I say all the things wrong with America and have all my friends and family here hate me? Do I explain my emotional state of how hard it is moving back? Do I attempt to explain reverse culture shock and how with time it is suppose to get better? I still do not have the answers to these questions or worries, but here goes my life since moving.
I left Haiti early on a Monday morning. I climbed into the brown truck after a long round of hugs and tears. Brooke, my mom, Brandon, and I rode to the gate and Brandon turned on “our” (Brandon, Katie, Brooke, and mine) theme song that we always listen to when going on a road trip, in need of encouragement, or just because we can shout it out at the top of our lungs! While driving my mind raced in a million different directions. Am I really leaving my home? Am I really leaving Rose? Am I leaving my house, my Haitian friends, and Brooke?
Lets back up to Sunday Morning…
Sunday, July 14th was my birthday.It was the last day before getting on that plane and I was going to make the most of it! The day started off with church, my “last” service while living there which meant I would have to get up in front of everyone and give a little speech. I remember watching Kacie get up in front of everyone three years ago, and thought I never want to do that, but it was my turn.
Pastor called me to the front and I began to talk about leaving, how Haiti became my home, how the congregation became my family, how I will miss seeing everyone in the clinic and taking care of them…I wanted to say something beautiful and eloquent, but could never come up with the right thing to say. So, I said, Bondye Fidel–God is Faithful. Encouraged everyone sitting on the hard wooden benches that God is faithful when we are hungry, scared, happy…and so on…
After church I decided to be sneaky and snuck my babies into my house! It was a day of celebration and without Rose being there and in my arms every second was just not okay with me. So, I spent the afternoon singing, jumping, running around Brooke and I’s 300 sq ft. apartment. We had mangos, soda, candy, chocolate, chips…yep pretty much everything nutritional and healthy so their little tummies would not hurt!! Nothing mattered though, it was the best birthday a girl could only dream of someday!
After a while, I made my last trek down the dusty, dirt road. Rose snuggled in my arms. I made the rounds and told everyone I would be back, it made me feel better anyways…
After a long emotional walk, I returned to Natasha house and she would not even look at me. She was mad at me, in typical Haitian fashion and did not know how to express her feelings, which I was okay with…I did not want to be a sobbing mess either. 🙂
The kids have made a habit that they want to put us in the road, which means they walk with us down the smooth path from the village to the road. It was time and we all held hands and slowly walked away. Rose still in my arms, with her hands tightly around my neck. I had told her days ago that this day was coming and each time her sad eyes met mine and I wondered if she understood.
I tried to set Rose down, but her arms only grew tighter. I think she got it. I promised to return, but she did not care. I watched this baby grow up from 6 months old, from only 4 pounds with the odds for her to survive not in her favor, and my heart was breaking. Rose cried and sat on the dirt path watching me walk away. I yelled for the older children to come get her and she fought going back home. I stood and watched as she slowly turned away, until she was safely back in the care of Natasha. I started to tear up, and the walk home seemed incredibly long and painful.
That night the American staff planned a little party where they sat around the room and affirmed me. Their words still bring me comfort, knowing that I am loved and they are proud of the person I have become over the last three years. My heart ached knowing it will never be the same, the 6 of us, momma Cheryl, papa Jim, Brandon, Katie, Brooke, and I would never share life like we did for the last two years.
So, back to Monday. I got on the plane. I did not break down until I was in Miami just minutes from flying to Detroit. It had become real and it hurt everywhere.
I made it back to Michigan and lived with my mom before moving to Indiana. Needless to say it was a crazy transition time because my mom had sold our house and I spent the next month or so packing up my childhood. However, in the end it was a good distraction and kept me busy.
I am now in Indiana, sitting in my new room, that an amazing friend had decorated and had all ready for me to move into. It was perfect and once again I felt completely loved. Since then I have started graduate school and am blessed to be working with some great girls in the ICU at the same hospital I worked in before moving to Haiti. I have my good days and my bad days. Days I really miss Haiti, Rose, Brooke, and then there are days I think, this is not so bad. I have a great group of friends that have made me feel at home and at peace with where I am at and would not trade this journey for anything else… or at least that is what I keep telling myself. Haha. 😀
So, that is it for now.I do want to say THANK YOU to everyone that has been a friend over the last three months. You have helped make this transition easier and I could never thank you enough.
Aubree, you are an amazing woman. Just know that God is using you wherever you are.
Hi Aubree. Thank you for sharing. I know that the transition from the field to home is a a difficult one. I pray blessings upon you. I pray that the Holy Spirit will lead, guide and direct you as you move forward in your new assignment. I pray that your friends and loved ones will be patient with you and show understanding as you adjust to being back in the US. I pray that you will experience the peace and comfort of the Lord.
What an amazing story or love. Aubree you radiate so much love. I for one, am happy you are part of our family
Roc
I can’t tell you how much this makes me miss Haiti! Love you, Aubs… so glad to hear your heart in this!
you are just such an amazing child of god…. thank you soo much for sharing your life with us all…
It was a joy to meet you and see your heart for Haiti !! Pray that God will ease you into the next step in your life !! Blessings on You!!